The Illusion of Endless Options
Why I am taking a break from all dating apps
I am no stranger to the new ways of dating, I have been using dating apps for way longer than I care to admit and, especially in a pandemic state, it does seem like the only way to meet new people. I know the feeling of excitement that comes with a new match and I am well aware of the little jump our stomach does when a notification comes in from the one person we are currently speaking to. It is addictive, no point in denying that, and like all addictions we may or may not be aware of its presence but it does not change the fact that it is always there, lurking, waiting to catch us in a moment of weakness, waiting for our current interest to take a bit too long to reply to bring us back in its “loving” arms and give us more options to choose from.
It is not easy, and I am no expert but I guess this is the first time in history where people in the dating space have the impression of their options being endless. “Another slightly better person may just be one swipe away, so why should I not try?”, am I right?
Well, I thought I was right for years. I thought this was the best way to approach dating in a the modern world but, yes I am a living cliché, being stuck indoors by myself for an awfully long time gave me the chance to think deeply about this and to understand whether or not I really wanted to keep wondering if any guy I was talking to was really the best I could do. Obviously I am no one to settle for less than what feels right to me, but having the option of opening an app on your phone as soon as there is a slight inconvenience, really started to make me feel uncomfortable about online dating.
Are we taking away the human side from dating?
We live in the perpetual state of thinking we’re always one swipe away from something different, something better, something easier. It seems to me like what made dating personal is slowly disappearing. You now simply unmatch someone, ghost them, block them and they are supposed to simply understand they have to move on with their lives as if nothing ever happened and forget the other person ever existed.
How does one deal with this in a healthy way?
There are few ways of coping with this, and apparently over the years I have mastered one of them almost to perfection:
Closing myself off from others
When you master this art, untrained eyes may think you are open to getting to know someone but in reality your walls never truly come down because you are expecting them to disappear at any moment. Please read that again and tell me if this isn’t true. We are so used to being emotionally disappointed it seems like nothing can phase us anymore, ghosting after the first date? It’s normal! Not replying anymore after 4 months of dating? That sucks, but you know what? We jump right back into dating and comfort ourselves with newly found attention, even though that bitter feeling takes a while to go away.
This can be both good and bad, I know, because it can save us the heartache of “grieving” the end of a potential relationship, but it can also make us become emotionally insensitive and closed off to new potential relationships.
Can anyone blame us? Absolutely not! Dating apps have us confused over the simplest things and make us questions pretty much everything about modern human interactions so if you feel like you can still surf this world and manage to stay afloat, please do! I, and everyone, will be super proud of you.
But if you feel like you need a break from all this, there is no shame in being alone! Use this time to center yourself and focus on getting in tune with your emotions so that when you are ready to get back out there, you know what to look out from and, especially, what to look for.
So for now, I bid you adieu, dating apps!
